History of Eminem Pt 2

The abuse and abandonment from the women in Eminem's life

Welcome back, Eminem fans! It’s time for part 2 in our History of Eminem series. 

Again, I’d like to take a minute to provide you with the main sources that my information comes from which are three documentaries found on Youtube: The Story of Eminem - Full Documentary, Eminem: Behind the Lyrics and Eminem Documentary: History Life & Career. Beyond that, I will link any other sources with the specific content they belong to. 

Last time we talked about the men in Eminem’s life, and the traumas they caused. Our two main themes of trauma were abandonment and bullying. We are going to continue discussing these themes as we look at the women in Eminem’s life. Although, a more fitting term for the bullying that Eminem experienced from these women is actually abuse. 

Marshall was in two incredibly abusive relationships growing up. One was a mother-son relationship with his mom Debbie Mathers. The other was a romantic relationship with Kimberly Scott Mathers. Although, these are not the first abusive relationships seen in the Mathers family.

Eminem’s grandmother had an abusive mother. His grandmother then proceeded to grow up and abuse her own daughter, Debbie. Debbie said that her mother had a lot of drunk boyfriends and a step father that put his hands on her. Unfortunately, Debbie couldn’t break the pattern. She also had a variety of drunk boyfriends and a husband that abused Marshall and his half brother, Nathan. Eminem released a song in 2020 called “Stepdad,” where he describes his hatred of the man that abused him while growing up.

Unfortunately though, the maternal abuse didn’t stop there for Eminem. She would often take a large portion of his paycheck and kick him out of her home. He stated that his mother abused prescription pills and alcohol. He also believed that she suffered from Munchausen Syndrome by proxy, as she convinced her kids that they were sick when they weren’t. He highlights the substance abuse and the syndrome in verse three of his hit song, “Cleaning Out My Closet.”

In that same verse he also references his mom’s “CD”, which refers to the song, “Dear Marshall (An Open Letter to Eminem)” which she wrote him after being demeaned in his music. In the song, she apologizes for providing unconditional love which she believes is what created the spoiled and angry man before her. She also asked Marshall to stop speaking ill of her and take responsibility for his actions. The song was followed by a lawsuit in 2001 that sued Eminem for defamation. It was settled for $25,000, with her lawyer receiving $23,354 and Debbie only a little over $1,500.

I really hope the $1500 was worth it for Debbie, because she wouldn’t hear from her son for nearly a decade afterward. To Marshall, this lawsuit was just another form of abandonment. His mother was choosing money instead of her own son. I can’t even imagine the heartache that would have caused Marshall. That was his only parent left, and she seriously sued him.

But in 2013, with the release of The Marshall Mathers LP2, Eminem extended an olive branch to his mother with the song “Headlights.” They reconnected after years of not being in each others’ lives, and in the song, he apologized and extended forgiveness to her. I imagine that was not easy for him. Him and his mother had been through a lot, and getting to a point where he was able to reach out to her must’ve required an amazing amount of healing and growth. 

I wish I could end on that happy note, but of course, we still need to talk about Kim. Kim and Marshall met when they were teenagers, and they soon entered a very volatile romantic relationship. The teens would often engage in screaming matches where Kim would hit Marshall. Marshall would become so angry that he would punch walls and cars to let out his frustration. Soon though, his music would become a more used outlet for his anger. One of his first songs, “Backstabber,” was actually inspired by a fight that him and Kim had. 

Still, Kim wasn’t a fan of the amount of time Marshall spent working on his music, especially after she gave birth to their daughter, Hailie. She wanted him home helping out more. But Eminem viewed his music as a way of helping out. He wanted to make it as a rapper, so he would have the money to get them out of the poverty that had been in his family for generations. In his song, “Mockingbird,” he says to Hailie, “I’m trying to give you the life that I never had.”

Kim and Marshall had a very on and off relationship that lasted about 29 years according to Nicki Swift news. They broke up before Kim found out she was pregnant, and again within the first year after Hailie was born. During the “off time,” Eminem put out the song “Bonnie and Clyde” and “Kim” which described Slim Shady killing his daughter’s mother. The songs are quite dark and maybe went a little too far; I sometimes have to remind myself that this was a man venting through a demented alter ego, and that it wasn’t really real. 

The fantasy is a bit easier to grasp when you look at the fact that the couple got married just a few years after the releases of these songs. Yes, that marriage did end in divorce, but the couple remarried in 2006 for three months before their second divorce. It seems like Marshall and Kim really loved each other, but could never get it to work. He explains this in his song, “Going Through Changes,” where Eminem tells Hailie, “I still love your mother, that’ll never change. Think about her everyday. We just could never get it together, hey.” Eminem does not reference Kim directly, but he might also be writing about her in songs like “Love the Way You Lie” and “Black Magic” which describe incredibly abusive relationships, and the desire to not leave them. 

A relationship like that would make sense for Marshall. He had been abandoned so much in his life that even if the relationship was unhealthy, he wouldn’t want it to end. He wouldn’t want to see another person leave. An abusive relationship is also exactly what he had with his mother, and what he saw his mother have with the men she brought home. So, toxic love is truly the only love Marshall really knew. 

And toxic love is what he had. Kim had a substance abuse problem and filed a defamation lawsuit against him. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, Kim is just like his mom. There is one big difference, though, between Kim and Debbie; Kim had suicidal tendencies. Kim once attempted suicide by cutting her wrists. Eminem airs this burden in his song, “When I’m Gone,” where he describes Hailie begging him to save her mom from bleeding wrists. Kim attempted suicide again later that decade when she drove her car off the road after drinking alcohol and taking pills. 

These suicide attempts were the third and fourth time Eminem encountered suicide. Four times too many if you ask me. These suicide attempts did nothing but remind Eminem of the abandonment he suffered during his childhood. The divorces, the break ups, the lawsuit from Kim did nothing but reinforce the idea that no one sticks around; that everyone abandons him. That’s probably why he held on to her for so long. He recognized their toxicity, but he couldn’t bear to see another person leave him. 

His mom and his girl put him through hell. They bullied him, abused him, and eventually abandoned him. I can’t even fathom that heart ache, especially when the men in your life did the same exact thing. 

Sometimes I wonder if Eminem actually healed his trauma, or if he just grew numb to it. With this amount of trauma, if he only woke up everyday and survived, I would be impressed. But this man wakes up everyday and thrives; I’m awed. It’s unbelievably inspirational to watch him overcome as much as he did and become so much more than it.

But honestly, I still haven’t told you the most inspirational thing Eminem did. I need a part three for that. I need a part three so I can tell you about his battle with addiction and depression. I need a part three to show you how invincible this man truly is.

So be sure to check your inboxes next week and catch part three of the History of Eminem series. Also be sure to leave a comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts on Kim or Debbie or anything you’d like to see me cover in upcoming posts!

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week on All Things Eminem!